Day 72: Why am I crying?

Despite it being a lovely sunny day, I found myself inside watching the funeral of the Duke of Edinburgh. As the procession began, the tears began to roll down my cheeks. That caught me by surprise. I mean, I'm a proud Irish woman, and apart from an interest in royal fashion, I can't say that I have been over invested in the lives of the British Royal family.

So why the tears?

 I think it's a direct result of Covid.

Mam died last October. It was a very intimate and moving funeral, but there were none of the rituals and traditions that are part and parcel of an Irish farewell. So I was a bit concerned in recent times that we hadn't really gotten closure. And that was proven today.

So there I was in floods of tears, watching the funeral of a man I had never met or had any dealings with.  In normal times I would have attended at least one funeral, a couple of wakes and a rake of removals in the intervening six months since Man's death and I would have had many opportunities to deal with my grief and the memories that these events would have dredged up. But because of Covid restrictions, today's was the first funeral I have "attended" since Mam's, so of course it was going to open the floodgates. As they say, the first of everything is the hardest.

So is this going to be a legacy of Covid, when we do eventually get back to real life? Is there going to be a deluge of unresolved issues and emotional baggage that we haven't had a chance to deal with?

I guess so. At least today I got my "first funeral" out of the way, in the comfort of my home.

Go ndeana Dia grasta ar a anam dílis.